What the hell is this all about?
GIRL: It's time I told you about christmas.
What's with the shrubbery?
GIRL: At christmas time, people go out and cut down trees or buy them and decorate them.
GIRL: Don't ask me, I'm not a historical expert on the subject. I'm just here to tell you what goes on.
GIRL: Then there's all the baking, cocoa consumption, singing...
GIRL: Well, some people believe that Christmas is a religious holiday. Some don't; but they celebrate it anyway. That's too complicated for you so we'll pass on it for this year.
GIRL: Then there's all the shopping to cover. That starts...on Black Friday aka The Day After Thanksgiving sales.
GIRL: We'll cover it later...
GIRL: If you're lucky, it'll snow before then and you can wear your cute little earmuffs!
So what do you do with the shopping? What about the shopping? SHOPPING!?
GIRL: You buy gifts to give people.
GIRL: It's generally a peace on earth and good will toward men thing.
What about women?
GIRL: Us too.
Will I get gifts?
GIRL: Yep, and if you're good...Santa Clause will come for you.
Come for me? He's going to claw me to death?
GIRL: No, he'll leave you gifts; but only if you're good...
So...if I'm good, I'll get gifts?
GIRL: And if you're bad...you'll get coal.
*Should I change my evil ways?*
When is this Christmas?
GIRL: December 24th & 25th.
And if I'm good until then, I'll get gifts?